22dec07cinema
If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review
If you want to know how good Taare is, just go to your nearest theater and watch the people coming out after the show. The cacophony that surrounds a crowd exiting a theater will be missing. Some would be walking in slow motion. Some would look petrified. At least that’s what happened in the theater I went to. Not a single soul was talking after the movie, probably because what everyone saw on screen was not fiction, but a semi-biography of his/her own life. In fact, the normally rowdiest gang in a theatre (ie my friends and I) that is uber vocal at the end of a film left the theater in pin drop silence. The first thing we said to each other – ‘Aamir Bhai has done it again.’
Indeed, Aamir Khan had done it again. I have a gut feeling that Taare would change people like no other movie has previously done.
I know only Aamir can make a film like Taare. But let us assume he did not make it (dream on!). What would the film have been like?
If Karan Johar made Taare
- Obvious starcast:
- Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
- Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
- Rani Mukerjee as the kid’s mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).
- Abhishek Bachchan as the kid’s dad.
- Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).
- It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
- The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid’s mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else’s girl.
- It would have one dance number.
- The film would be titled ‘Kuch Taare Zameen Par.’
If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare
- Obvious starcast:
- Salman as the teacher.
- Rani as the mother.
- Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
- An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
- Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
- The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a f***ing difference.
- The film would cost 60 crores.
If Farah Khan made Taare
- Obvious starcast:
- SRK as the teacher (yawn).
- In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farah’s version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
- The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
- To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh’s character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I’m quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.
- The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background.
If Rakesh Roshan made Taare
- Obvious starcast:
- Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
- Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
- Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
- In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
- Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid’s prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
- The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
- The film’s name would again start with a K.. probably ‘Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par’.
- The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.
If Priyadarshan made Taare:
- Obvious starcast:
- Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
- Paresh Rawal as the kid’s dad.
- It would be a brainless comedy. The kid’s dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the director’s opinion, would be funny.
- The film will be full of sex jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like ‘iss umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!’. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
- In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. That’s where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.
- And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boy’s mental abilities anyway.
–
I know there are a lot of other directors, but I choose these guys because I feel they are the most gutless or overrated directors we have today. They keep doing the same shit again and again and more often than not depend on the stars to carry a shitty film forward. They have no courage to try something non-nonsense, something that can use the medium of cinema for a little more than just entertainment, in spite of being the most sought after directors in the country
The reason I am making this comparison at all is to show how Aamir (and Amol Gupte) has made a pure film, without giving into the temptation of masala or ‘what would the audience like to see’ philosophy; for giving chance to fantastic yet unknown actors like Vipin Sharma and Tisca Chopra (I love Tisca); for riding against the tide; for not trying to hog the limelight in the film by happily playing second fiddle to the boy (even Aamir Khan’s name comes after Darsheel Sarfi, the boy, in the credits); for giving the audience something different once again as an entertainer; and for truly caring about the society and using the medium to bring a change.
I remember earlier this year SRK made a statement: ‘films are for entertainment; messages are for post offices.’ Well Aamir Khan has proved that cinema is probably the best medium for giving a message and I can say that looking at the face of every person in the cinema hall. Not only that, he has proved (yet again!) that a message can be entertaining.
Behold bollywood bigshots, Aamir the director has arrived. With just one film, he has set the bar higher than most of you can only dream of reaching.
![[RSS]](http://blog.coffeebite.com/wp-includes/images/blank.gif)
Cinemas Kristal » Blog Archive » If Aamir Khan did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review says...
[...] Original post by Nitesh [...]
shunya says...
ha ha ha. well said.
prasanna says...
lol… dude… hilarious .. i cant stop laughing after reading what if other directors especially karan johar and priyadarshan would have made the movie…
ya i agree with u on almost every point n the end comment regarding shahrukh… its so true… n i think these masala filmmaker n so called king khan n other stars should realise one thing …. if they cant do it then stop pretending whtever they’ve done is the best n should give others the respect they deserve…
Talat Aziz says...
You really have said whatever that could have been said about this wonderful movie made by Aamir. It has turned out to be an exceptional example of how films are to be made. This is the true face of entertainment.
Lalita.S says...
Hilarious blog! And spot on. I am going to recommend this to others who visit aamirkhan.com.
Nitesh says...
Thanks Lalita.
Vikram says...
Hey amazing post……trues first word to last! Creative to say the least.
Shaima says...
Hillarious review! Very truthful ^^! Just posted it on aamirkhan.org for all the members to enjoy!
Harish says...
Too much yaar!!!!! Extremely well written!!!!!
sristi says...
hilarious!!!!
AK and SRK both are regarded as superstars. and the recently made films by both speaks volumes about the person and the actor they are…. well i dont think we need to say anything..
Rupesh says...
what if this post wouldn’t have been written by you…? lol…
sd says...
Man you are real funy
great caricature
onkar says...
Hi Nitesh,
I havent seen anyone having such a great observations about films and I m glad U have praised Aamir for the right reasons
The running knowledgebase » Blog Archive » If Aamir Khan did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review says...
[...] Read entire post at Bollywood Byte [...]
rahul says...
Man….its so f***ing hilarious…I am laughing my guts out!
Xill-e-Ilahi says...
excellent post!
CW says...
Hilarious! School uniforms matching the classroom decor–can’t stop laughing..!!
Gopal Aggarwal says...
dude!
oh my God…I am laughing out mad…you write well…I like it
regards,
gopal1035@gmail.com
Shazia says...
Nitesh, A very well-written post. I really enjoyed reading it. The name “Aamir Khan” once stamped on a product, you can expect nothing but quality from it. The guy stands alone (almost) in this industry which says that they are just doing their duty by “catering to the audience what they demand”. If thats true, why are people going and watching TZP? All of them lack the guts to try something like this. It could have been only aamir khan to take a plunge and make TZP as a mainstream cinema.
Shahana says...
hahahahhaa………….well written and soooo true………..hahahaha………hats off to Aamir for making an amazing movie…..
Nitesh says...
@Shazia
You are absolutely right.. it pains to see no one else trying something gutsy.. most of the people are doing the same shit again and again..!!
The funny thing is that even the audience’s reaction to something like a Rang De Basanti and now TZP does little to change these guys…
Neysha says...
Stupid post!! You must be kidding yaar!!
pi says...
hilarious!!
pushker awasthi says...
What a wonderful review and comparison you have made!! Hats of to you I haven’t read anything like this before…you really seeped into the real cesspool of bollywood commercialization and come up the real essence of real film making and making these high flier directors pygmy in front of Aamir Khan.
Harsha says...
Nitesh, hats off to u for such a great review. I admire ur comments. Keep it up !! …… Lets stand together with Amol, Aamir and TZP …. !!……..
Nitesh says...
@pushker
“cesspool of bollywood commercialization” wow.. that’s a great phrase.. you have a gift of words, pushker.. hope you don’t mind if I use this phrase in one of my future posts..
Mojgan Foroozan says...
Nitesh:
Simply outstanding!
I laughed out loud while reading it….And I cried too not for the future of so called bigshot directors, but for those who have not seen TZP yet…..
Hats off to you!
Cheers, Mojgan
kris says...
Hilarious!!
I just bookmarked your page dude- cant wait till you “decipher” more movies!!
Keep it going bud
asha says...
Extremely well written piece. Laughed my guts out. Saw TZP. A gem of a movie far beyond the capabilities of the said directors.
Wasim says...
Too good,
Nitesh….Man you write well.
PS: whats with your facination with Amisha Patel ????
Michelle says...
Nitesh, Pushker directed me here saying what a fantastic review and you know what he was right, in one word BRILLIANT, you have taught this novice more about Indian Cinema in one blog then I could have hoped for, thank you. Also TZP is a fantastic movie I loved it.
aj says...
I think you missed the most overrated of all directors…
Ram Gopal Varma.
He would have painted all the characters face with weird make-up,
would have had an Urmilla Matondkar item song, would have given the role of mom to Nisha Kothari…
..you fill the rest!
Nitesh says...
@Wasim
Dude.. I don’t think it’s fascination.. it’s true love
I can’t wait to see Aamir and Amisha opposite each other in a film (well they weren’t exaclty opposite each other in Mangal Pandey).
@aj
Ah.. that’s a good one. I did not think of RGV. Probably because when I think of faltu directors, I don’t think of me. I think RGV, though he has made trashy movies this year, is a risk taking director after all. The directors I have mentioned here are all the ones consumed by the commercial side of cinema.
Also, as I think about it, I don’t find a lot of common elements in his films (probably its just m oversight) other than his obvious obsession with certain actors like you mentioned
And man.. I know I won’t win a lot of friends for this, but I simply lurve Nisha Kothari *hiding my face under the pillow*.
RL says...
LET ME WATCH THE MOVIE FIRST.THINK YOU HATE SHAHRUHK
Nitesh says...
@RL
I absolutely lurve SRK. If I hated him, I wouldn’t be critisizing him. I mean it! I don’t talk about people I hate. They are just not important enough to deserve a mention, I believe.
SRK is a legend. It pisses me off though that he does not take enough risks as an actor.
It’s like Aragorn’s declining of the kingdom of men in the Lord of The Rings pisses me off. He has the potential to do so much, yet he doesn’t (until the climax, of course).
Hiten says...
This is daymn hilarious!!! Well said, though i must say i do like Priyadarshan movies
However, Aamir movies are the best, i look forward to watching his movies! He’s definitely the superstar!!
U never get bored of seeing Aamir! I sometimes yawn when i see SK acting! Same ol’ stuff!!!!
Jainesh says...
It is so f*&*^%% imaginative and good-your blog. Great work Nitish. I have added you as my blogger pal in my own blog. (hope you don’t mind). I read ALL your posts. Imagine. Wish someone would read my blog like I have read your’s- at one go. (Not that it is as good, no way)
Keep up the good work. I’m inspired.
By the way, I found your site at Aamir Khan’s own blog. Someone had recommended him to read your review and left a link. I’m sure Aamir must have read it by now.
What are the other occupations of your life Nitish, other than blogging away to glory? Keep in touch if you can. Bye.
Jainesh says...
Hey Nitish… I hope you don’t mind but I have copied and pasted your post on Taare Zameen Par on my blog. I couldn’t resist it. I can remove it if you feel offended. Just let me know. Thanks.
Nitesh says...
@Jainesh
.
I don’t mind you putting the post on your blog but I certainly mind you misspelling my name
I am a student Jain’i’sh. That’s my primary occupation.
Jainesh says...
Hahahaha…you’re good. Sorry for the spelling booboo. Will correct that. Thanks.
So what do you study? you read my blog?
Jainesh says...
http://jainesh-thewritething.blogspot.com/
There is one more blog of mine:
http://bollywood-desi-movies.blogspot.com/
Would love to have your feedback. Thanks.
Sameera Singh says...
hahahahhaaha
by god u r very innovative person
రాకేశ్వర రావు says...
bravo!
what you missed was the southern angle! What if there was Rajni or Chiru in the movie ?
I am scared they would remake this one too in Telugu and screw it, like they did to Munnabhai!
Shailaja says...
Simply amazing,rib-tickling review and every word drips with truth.Well done!
Am yet to see the movie and am looking forward to it very eagerly.Thanks for making the anticipation even keener!
Shruti says...
Now that is one hilarious blog! Are you always as funny 24X7 ??
Awesome stuff!!!
zeyt says...
RGV would have Nisha Kotari as the mother of Ishaan(the dyslexic boy) and she would wear a panty to dance around the teacher, the teacher would be Ajay Devgan or Stupid Fardeen Khan! why this stupid Fardeen khan is in Bollywood, he does not know even ABC of acting!
RGV, KJ, SRK, SLB , Farah Khan all are just crap, do not ever bother to watch their films. Rakesh Roshan is not that bad, at least he provides some entertainment for the kids. Zeyt
Nitesh says...
@Jainesh
I study nothing.. though I am enrolled in the university as a Computer Engineering student (which I think 70% of Indians do).
@Sameera
Thanks.
@Guy whose name I can’t read
Southern angle.. hmm.. I’m a big Vikram fan. I think he’ll be good as the teacher. If they choose Rajni though, I think he’ll manage to kick dyslexia out of the boy by touching his hair or something.
@Shruti
I don’t consider myself funny. In fact, after seeing the trailer of Mimoh Chakraborty’s debut film The Murderr (not a typo), I don’t consider anything else in the world funny.
Pramod says...
“what everyone saw on screen was not fiction, but a semi-biography of his/her own life.” This sentence is so true man..
Yesterday night I saw the movie and I am still in hangover of it.
By this film we can judge a super human character like “Aamir Khan”.
Satish says...
Jeysus Christ… rofl…. absolutely spot on!!! Aamir’s name is enuf to go n watch the movie…. cant wait to c this on the big screen…. Kudos Nitesh…. Pls do write from other director’s point of view as well…. Mani, RGV, David etc…. hilarious… made my day!!!
raj says...
haaaaaa gr8 nitesh well said ;ike ure review will recomend to everyone very true…….
Srikanth says...
Nice thinking…just for fun, please imagine how it would have been if rajnikanth had done the movie and write…hats off to your imagination.
Satish says...
it’s a great joke…………
the wizard says...
If any moron from the Bhatt camp made Taare Zameen Par
1. Emran Hashmi will play the role of the arts teacher
2. John Abraham and Udita Goswami will be the parents of the kid.
3. The controversy — John and Udita are first cousins and since cousins should not marry their kid will turn out to be dyslexic
4. Emran Hashmi will have an extra marital affair with the kids mother (Udita)
5. There will be 42 kissing scenes, one even involving the kid which will make the movie more controversial.
6. John Abraham will have an underworld connection.
7. In the climax John will get shot and die.
8. The kid will get a shock and his dyslexia will be cured.
9. The title of the movie will be “Taare Zameen Par: Do jism ki kahani”
Kavitha says...
Good thinking, You have lot of time. Its like you have read our mind.
Gr8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deepthi Rao says...
great one ! We need more ppl like you who appreciate good cinema and good directors, and who can write so well to express their likes-way to go !
Nitesh says...
@wizard
That’s a good one man. May be I should add the Bhatts to my post. Totally forgot about them. They make trash too…!!
AD says...
Great
Jeevan says...
Superb superb superb
Jainesh says...
hahahaha… Wizard is spot on…
@Nitesh…the girls are going crazy over you and I think you should make the most of it…considering that you don’t study…:-)
Sachin says...
Great…….but you missed RGV?
Whole movie would be shoot in dark room where no one can see each others face. Kid would be any one ..that dosent matter. Father would be Manoj Tiwari.Mother would be Urmila or Nisha kothari. And teacher would be……….Ajay devgan/nana patekar.
Wah kya scene hai………….Kid would not have dyslexic problem but shootout problem from point zero range (Goli maro bheje main). His school would not be from Panchagani, it would be from Dharavi,dongari with all time rainy season.
How Nana patekar would react to his mom and dad?
he he heee…..kahe ko bhejaaa…………udhaar…..padhanekooo…………..aaaaaaaa..aaaaaa…aaaaaaaa?
And one comment: Priyadarshan never used sex joke in his movies. He is one of the best diretors coming from south and having good hand on comedy.
If Aamir Khan Did not make Taare Zameen Par says...
[...] If Aamir Khan Did not make Taare Zameen Par [...]
nahin says...
absolutely right
kale240 says...
the movie is really inspiring..it brought back my memories of the hostel days…gettin beaten…
ankush says...
great work!
nitu says...
Welll said yaar……
mrunal says...
rotf…lol…this is hilarious….
hats off for TZP…
mrunal says...
rofl*
Nitesh says...
@Jainesh
I doubt that..
@Sachin
I like your Nana impression
padma says...
lovely and rightly said.
just need to add all the dark shots with predominance of black and a shrewish devil possessed like acting child and overacting and melodrama to sanjay leela bhansali.
Ritoja says...
Enjoyed reading your blog.Your reviews are well written.I think ,about the other directors not making movies like TZP,it is not so much about guts but ability.KJo etc simply dont have the sensibilities required for this type of work.They operate on a very superficial level and cannot improve even if they want to.Have you read The Fountainhead(Ayn Rand)?Aamir is the Howard Roark and the others,especially KJo are the Peter Keatings of this world.
Rk says...
Terrific review. Loved it. Is being circulated in email without credits!
Your creativity, humour and observation makes any bollywood lover like me go all smiles
What if Aamir didn’t make Taare Zameen Par…… « Myriad Hues says...
[...] have been made if some of Bollywood’s big wigs had tried their hands at it??? Read on what Nitesh thinks they would churn [...]
Nitesh says...
@padma
I totally agree.. I know it’s hard to criticize Black but I did feel that it was a little over the top. Not a lot, just a little.
@Ritoja
You know what.. I always thought Aamir was the Roark.. it’s so cool that you are drawing the same analogy.. Though I wonder who’s the Dominic.. I’m in love with Dominic
@Rk
..
Thanks very much for letting me know. It is kinda hard in this world of Internet to prevent plagiarism. And well, considering that in Bollywood we rip off films without crediting the original makers, it’s only fitting that an article on Bollywood suffers the same fate.
Also, glad I could make your life a little happier
If Aamir Khan Did not make Taare Zameen Par « Filmi Khabar says...
[...] Posted by AksFilmi on December 28, 2007 If Aamir Khan Did not make Taare Zameen Par [...]
pushker awasthi says...
@Nitesh I revisited yours blog today to watch comments of others and also to read it and draw pleasure. You are free to use that “cesspool of bollywood commercialization” as I really don’t mind at all rather mighty pleased that you thought its worth using it. I totally agree with you as far RGV is concern, he is a brilliant director who do dare to do things differently but my point is that when some one falls in love with himself he tend to go offtrack and one should not do things differently for the sake of doing things differently instead one should do things to let other get hooked for a different thing. And RVG sadly turned into megalomaniac.
pushker awasthi says...
I have gave my own reaction towards TZP at the blog. You can read it at page 101 on Aamir’s “Reaction” Post. This one is is not a review but an amalgamation of emotional turmoil which resulted after deeply sunk in TZP.
navedz says...
@Nitesh
well written friend… it is very true. We friends had the same kinda feeling when we watched this movie… it struck us somewhere inside. Aamir’s movie always carries a social note nowadays… and believe me they are effective. It was effective with lagaan, dil chahta hai, and who can forget RDB.
sapna says...
Hey its just a great observation. Good job done. Thanks for showing everyone’s reality, its sooooooooooo true
Sachin Shrestha says...
Had read this just after you published it but revisited today and can’t help not commenting now.
Man, someone should pay you to write all this (considering that you’re still a student, that definitely wouldn’t hurt) . Thanks for making my day!
Look forward to all your writing in the future
Rajith says...
That was just awesome, the best blog ive read since a long time. Try putting it up in more places, where many more can read it and realize that the gr8z in bollywood are so diffirent frm wat the media shows us n yeah after this ur blog goes into my bookmarks…nice job man
Nitesh says...
@Sachin..
Glad I could make your day. As for payment.. we students are no better than church mice.. always out of money..:P so you got that part right.
Although I must say that I am being paid well for this blog through all the generous comments you guys have written.
@Rajith
.. Now I’ve stopped writing to them as well.
I don’t know how to put this blog in more places.So far all I have done is writing. In the past some generous souls have put my entries on IndianPad, Humsurfer, Digg, and StumbleUpon so that gets a few people in.
Other than that, my entries have been on IndiaFM.com, once submitted by a friend and once by myself. After that I have sent them my entries a couple of times and it seems that they don’t consider me a worthy writer anymore
All I can say I do is that I try to tag my entries well so that they may be searched. That’s all.
I’m a very lazy person Rajith and, frankly, ignorant of all the things one can do to get a blog known. May be you can suggest something…..
What if? « Lucidity says...
[...] 29, 2007 at 9:36 pm (Uncategorized) I came across an interesting blog post titled ‘If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review‘. It is basically a humorous take on some really shitty bollywood directors and what they [...]
“Taare Zameen Par” if done by others « The Power of Youth says...
[...] If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review [...]
naina says...
Very well said..
Shahrukh Khan is a joker, there is no comparison to Aamir,no one stands close to his potential.
Rajith says...
@Nitesh
probably u may write an article to any daily newspaper or any magazine….it would be amazing if it comes out in some hardcopy …..wat do u say? you could as well become a regular writer …im sayin this having read all your other blogs…all that is surely worth more than jus this…..
Krishna says...
If anybody else done this movie… it will be ” Pattar Zameen Par”
Looney says...
hillarious…
karthik says...
Awesome post, the movie made me cry like crazy,your post made me laugh like crazy…
keep writing..
Roopa says...
Obviously….
Wel said……
Abuzayan says...
superb!!!!!!! Excellent writing. Keep it up!!!!!!!!
Mahesh says...
you meant this as humour non? Of course Taare is a great film, but not better or worse than OSO or Chak De India. Isn’t panning Karan Johar/ SRK/ Farah Khan the in thing these days – guaranteed to get non-entities like you big readership numbers.
What would they do? at Blogbharti says...
[...] Leela Bansali, Rakesh Roshan or Priyadarshan – directed Taare Zameen Par instead of Aamir Khan? Bollywood Byte writes a hilarious post that you wouldn’t want to miss out. If Rakesh Roshan made [...]
Tariq Wali says...
Hi All,
Yet another mind blowing movie delivered by Amir K, words are too less , just to express how greatly the movie is directed , and all above said about other director’s especially SRK , is absolutely true ! ..Amir you just ROCK .. please continue the same way you do always ….
Nitesh says...
@Mahesh
I don’t understand what you mean by “Of course Taare is a great film, but not better or worse than OSO or Chak De India.”
And well, whatever I write, I write from the heart.. I don’t ask ‘would this bring me readership’ before I write a post. Because if I did that, I would be contradicting the very thing I stand for in all my posts.. art from the heart and not through pre-empting the audience.
But well.. I guess you are generally eager to criticize and there is nothing I can do to change your opinion. On second thoughts, even if I could, I don’t think I’d want to..
Reuben Emmnauel says...
I’m not a big fan of Hindi or Indian movies. After reading your comments I’ll definately watch the movie.
Well said, you don’t make movies with pretty women on the screen, if that was the case Cindy Crawford would have been – best of the best, but she is not.
bhuwnesh says...
for Amir khan is the limit
bhuwnesh says...
for Amir sky is the limit
asuph says...
rotfl! i haven’t seen the movie yet, but this is so funny.
ADESH says...
ok u were really good.but all films cant be made in the same way and i can bet that had there been any other hero in the film it would have bombed in the box office bcoz we are habituated to see aamir in unconventional films.U really made mockery of reputed directors but we have to understand one thing that every director has his own trademark and to make every film message oriented is impossible.
anantesh says...
dude even i’m a gr8 fan of aamir, he is my favorite…..u wrote it vry well but the thing i would like 2 bring 2 ur knowledge is tat all the directors n actors u mentioned abut hav even done some gud films like black swadesh n many more….but the point is tat when v as the audience only want 2 see those kin of masala movies then thrs no point in saying anything 2 someone else…….n tis is not wat i’m saying but someone frm the entertainment industry came 2 our college 4 guest lecture told us, he was the asia pecific head of zee networks n its vry hard to say but it was vry true
If Aamir Khan did not make taare zameen par | cRasH 91 says...
[...] If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review [...]
piyush says...
Many ppl got irritated by this slow movie. Many liked it but still were yawning. Hope the movie will do good not like ’so called actor’ Aamir’s earlier movie “Mangal Pandey”
Nitin Gupta says...
Good work man … probably one of the best reviews I have read for any bollywood film
Three Cheers to Aamir Bhai
Nitin
Virupaksha says...
Realy Aamir has done a very good job in his carrier.
If Aamir Khan did not make taare zameen par, we will be continued to scroll the children like anything without knowing their problems.
Nitesh says...
Dear Piyush
How does it feel to be such a big moron?
A sensious person says...
Hey who r u mannnnnn… you have exactly made what my mind thinks of the hype heroes… I seriously loved the way you have enlightened the facts.
To add to this, I want to say that “If someone asks which hero do you like?” (an open question) then may be most of them say sharukh. But when you ask them “Do you sharukh or Amir” then most of them will say Amir…. This is because of the hype the king khan carries. But everyone’s subconcsious mind know who the real good actor is. Amir is jus not an actor. He is the Hero with social concsiousness and an ability to motivate people with his acting skills.. Howsoever I have felt happy watching the moview Taare Zameen par, I have felt equally happy looking at the people who realised the fact
pavi says...
Yea right. Aamir makes an entry at interval but he damn well makes sure he’s the great hero by making the teachers look so harsh just before his grand entry. So when he enters he’s hailed as the next coming.
The focus would be on the teacher helping the kid if SRK played it? That was Aamir’s take. See the 2nd half and it’s nothing but Aamir’s angst, Aamir teaching the kid, Aamir talking to the parents, Aamir’s frustrations…
SRK didn’t have himself blown up in the CDI posters did he? The girls were there all the time and in the foreground.
Another thing I noticed…SRK has Red Chillies as his company name. Does it say SRK anywhere? Aamir’s is Aamir Khan Productions with this huge fat A as his symbol lest anyone forget who the company belongs to.
Shalini says...
Each one is entitled to his/her thougts and opinion….It’s true Aamir Khan is talented and has made a great film, but It is not right to compare people. Some are good at what they do….Bansali has his style while Johar has his own unique way of showing things….some focus on family relations, while some on love between a hero and heroine while some focus on pure comedy.
All these elements are needed in the film industry as people who watch these films are as diverse as the films themselves. Bollywood cannot just survive with Aamir Khan, hence these comparisons make absolutely no sense, however they make for a good laugh!!
Hey ! says...
Hey ! Don’t u think u are being too harsh on them……afterall Karan made Kuch kuch hota hai & Kabhi khushi kabhi gham, which has been loved by all, Sanjay made Devdas & Black which was called the best on-screen so far, Rakesh roshan made Kaho naa pyaar hai & Koi mil gaya which was change brought indian films till then & again Farah is an awesome choreographer……….come on man …….
Saurabh Jaiswal says...
Hi Nitesh ,
100 odd comments , wow thats a blogger’s dream come true . Great Job as Always . Keep Going .
Nitesh says...
@pavi..
1. I never said SRK wants himself at the center of all his posters. I’m just refering to Farah Khan. See the posters of Main Hoon Na and Om Shanti Om. So you mentioning about CDI doesn’t really refute what I said. CDI was not a Farah Khan movie.
2. As for Aamir being the hero of the script, of course he is the HERO. How do you define a hero? Aamir in TZP was playing some sort of a guardian angel. So he’s the hero. There is nothing wrong in playing the hero. What you’re ignoring is Aamir doesn’t try to overpower the kid by hogging the screen space.
3. Does naming a company after you make you an egomaniac? You have the AR Rahman Foundation, Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, TATA, Birla, and even orkut.. all are named after the people who founded it. Does it make them egomaniacal?
@Shalini
You are absolutely right. Of course this post is exaggerated for gags and is complete nonsense!
@Hey!
Dude.. it’s just for gags.. chill. I loved K3G. I thought Black was an OK movie. Kaho Naa Pyaar hai was an Amisha movie and so I can’t not like it. Devdas and K2H2 were bad films. Farah is a brilliant choerographer no doubt. In fact she is a brilliant director as well. It’s just that I object to her choice of scripts
@Saurabh
Thanks buddy!!
Arpit Gupta says...
Read ur blog as one of the forwarded mail….must say awesome
but dude…to say koi mil gaya n krrish a gutless project…hmm i disagree with this…they were and by far amongst the most risky projects in bollywood
Though accepted by and large by audience…these by no means were safe and guaranteed projects…not run of the mill to say the least….
Besides, KMG saw best of hrithik…dont tell me u dont feel hrithik had put 101% in his character…as far as krrish goes…well not exactly what we had expected surely but again it did set some standards…if u r aware…it was after watching krrish did Adi chop decide to redo the stunts of D:2….n there were rumours that makers of drona are trying to make it better than KRRISH.
As far as ur comments on other actors n directors are concerned…cant agree
more
n did u seriously like OSO :O :O
Arpit Garg says...
Great article boss…good you can be a writer yourself.
zacmoody says...
http://www.digg.com/movies/If_Aamir_Khan_Did_Not_Make_Taare_Zameen_Par_2
Dugg it.
Nitesh says...
@Arpit Gupta
I was surprised no one brought that up yet because KMG and Krrish were indeed different films. Actually my opinion of Rakesh Roshan changes every now and then. Sometimes I feel KMG and Krrish were path breaking films, sometimes I feel they were run of the mill stories with a glossy packing.
I simply love Krrish though. It is a brilliant film if you subtract all the lovey dovey fluff.. that part of the film totally a waste of time. That’s what irritates me. Same in KMG.
And yes, I lurved OSO. It was a good movie.
@zacmoody and Aprit Garg
Thanks mates..!
Arpit Gupta says...
I simply love Krrish though. It is a brilliant film if you subtract all the lovey dovey fluff.. that part of the film totally a waste of time.
…bingo
julka says...
What a stupid article:(.
Have you more such scary and stupid ideas?
Albert says...
RGV and Aamir should collaborate.
Nitesh says...
@julka
Couldn’t agree with you more.. this is indeed a stupid article. And I do have more of such ’scary’ ideas so prepare to get scared, really scared *evil laughter*..
BollywoodPlusPlus says...
Hey Nitesh, nice job dude!
Very funny blogs, I followed the link from some newssite – ‘what if KayJo made TZP’ was enuff to draw my attention!
As a version 2, please cover few more directors, you couldn’t prolly do this blog without these legendary ones.
1. David Dhawan
2. Subhash Ghai
3. Ram Gopal Varma
4. Mani Ratnam
5. Anurag Kashyap
I haven’t seen TZP yet, but definitely catch it in the theater… but enjoyed every bit of your blog!
BollywoodPlusPlus says...
While I couldn’t agree more with you on how these directors would have screwed the movie, at the same time, I want to recognize one man, who would have done prefect justice to TZP – Vishaal Bharadwaj!
- The movie would have been another dark beauty from the most talented man in the industry.
- The movie would have had songs, which actually advanced the story in the movie
- of course, all composed by Vishaal, the songs would have been equally influenced by indian classical and pure jazz (What was Vishaal smoking while composing bground scores of ‘No Smoking’?)
- Movie would have had yet another memorable characters played by Deepak Dobriyal, Pankaj ‘Karamchand’ Kapoor (haven’t seen TZP yet, so can’t cast these actors)
cheers,
Nova says...
I remember earlier this year SRK made a statement: ‘films are for entertainment; messages are for post offices.’ Well Aamir Khan has proved that cinema is probably the best medium for giving a message and I can say that looking at the face of every person in the cinema hall. Not only that, he has proved (yet again!) that a message can be entertaining.
Couldnt agree with you more… In fact, I am also a strong supporter of the fact that the movies should use their influence over junta to get the write messages across!! And yes, it can be clubbed with entertainment. Only, then do you make sensible movies, like Lage Raho and RDB!
AKS ... says...
Well… perfectly said (expect the humerous part..I dun care to read) … Aamir belongs to a different genre of directors .. the contemporaries as mentioned can’t even dream of it … TZP provides a classic message to the audiences (unlike what King khan’s bloody imagination can ever capture) … and surely ranks among the handful Bolly movies which spreads a genuine message to the crowd … just reminds something of Lage Raho Munna bhai
Ritoja says...
Nitesh ,I think in the film industry, Tabu could be Dominique.
Nitesh says...
@Bollywood++
Indeed.. I think Vishal Bharadwaj is a genius. Makdee and Omkara were both brilliant films. And after Rahman, he’s my favorite music director.
As for version 2.. will think about it. Not on the cards right now.
@Ritoja
Tabu? Can’t say! I don’t think we have an actress equivalent of Dominique..
GIRDHAR HEMDEV says...
All the top directors of the film industry should watch this movie without any known face in the film we dont miss any of them KUDOS to AMIR KHAN
Ankur Dholakia says...
Well said I think you should send this article to all those “Filmi Celebreties.” They should know that being a pubic figure do not only mean that you are free of social responsibilites. Even though Aamir will be earning money from the film he has done a great work of social service. This film brings up issue of Social Responsibilites of an Enertainer, in Corporate world there is Corporate Social Responsibiliy, similarly the film celebrities has a Social Responsibilites that should be fulfiled. If they earn fame and love they should try givin back to he society.
Well done Aamir. God bless you.
Once again you have set an awesome example……..
Nitesh says...
@Ankur (comment 127)
Brilliant analogy dude. For corporates we always talk about corporate responsibility. We don’t say that a corporate’s job is just making money doing business.
But with actors, why do we condone them when they don’t fulfill any social responsibilities and make brainless films with a clear motives of minting money?
Atul Bhargava says...
Too good and real a review.
Ritoja says...
Totally agree about Vishal Bharadwaj.He is one of the most talented directors we have ever had.The way he has adapted Shakespearan tragedies to Indian conditions(changed time,social settings etc)and yet retained the full impact is outstanding.Even some of the dialogues in Maqbool and Omkara are literal translations of the original.I feel he ought to be recognized as a master in world cinema like Satyajit Ray is.
We Are sorry | cRasH 91 says...
[...] We Are sorry I am sorry on behalf of Niz,with regards to his post If Tare Zameen Par was not made by Aamir Khan The content was taken from http://bollywoodbyte.wordpress.com/2007/12/22/if-aamir-khan-did-not-make-taare-zameen-par-a-movie-un... [...]
Harshal says...
I think SRK is too overrated actor he has only big fan following in US UK & go on… But the people ion india always love the movie made with some thoughts i am big fan of aamir khan i think he made movie of the century.
Zainab says...
Hi Nitesh,I am from Pakistan and this post is cracking me up!. But it is so true and spot on, I am a great fan of indian movies and follow the indian film industry or as Karan Johar says “fraternity” keenly but one thing I feel that could really be improved is the genre of comedy films. I mean no offence,but it gives me a headache. I watched main hoon na in an indian dominated audience and everybody was laughing their heads off,but really I couldnt find much to laugh about. Not because it was “below my intellect” but because it just did not appeal to me at all. I liked Lage Raho actually,but trash like Welcome Main hoon na OSO(sorry I love you Srk but this was one shitty film) will remain trash but a lot of my indian friends do find it really funny,if theres anything funny then its punjabi comedy! if you understand it i.e..
Anyway your whole post is hilarious!!! should be forwarded all along. and wow I have watched Taare Zameen per just recently,Amir Khan is my man. He can do 10 different roles and theres fully assurity they will be excellents films acted out by an intelligent mind who understands the depth of the characted in a way unmatched!!
Shahrukh is actually my personal favourite but he is a favourite not just for acting reasons,its the whole package,charisma,acting,personality etc. But I always see Shahrukh in the character,not the character in Shahrukh!! something which Amir does really well!!
Keep the posts coming,good for having a real laugh riot!lol
Ajay Narasimhan says...
The post has definitely brought loads of laughter for a lot of friends here.
We appreciate the inciteful and humorous piece. Great job by the author! I hope you keep the stuff flowing for every ‘Aamir’ movie and every ‘SRK/Farah/Priyan’ movie as well.
Cheers
Shefali says...
Very Original Ideas……………..hahahahahaha
Vrij says...
Fantastic.. this is the first time I’m visiting this blog and I guess I’d be reading each one of ur posts before doing anything else!
kashif Malik says...
well done Amir You again proved you R the best.
kashif Malik ghorey shah Walay says...
Chak de phatte Amir
Kala says...
Ha ha ha ha
Very Well Said….
Good Writing….
I am lauffing my lungs out here….
Sudhir Shastri says...
Really very true. Amir has the stuff which none other have.
Chuck The Name... says...
Wellll…
I have read the whole thing written by you Nitesh and even the 140 comments,each and every word of it(even tried to decipher the name of the guy who-i now conclude-has written some kind of gibberish..)…I think that says a lot about your blog..
I just admire the way you have written the post,the way you started it,the originality,not overdoing it,but not leaving it undone either,the clarity of thought…Seeing your caliber,your observing skill,and your tact to reply to people…TRULY MESMERIZING!
You have done a great job.And if the length of my reply signified how high I think about your thoughts
…I might have never stopped writing….
Nitesh says...
@Chuck the name
Hey Thanks a lot mate.. !!
Tom says...
Well the only thing I can say is… LOL.
I agree with you, most of these so called good directors are vastly overrated.
While TZP is no classic it surely shows great intent and courage.
Tom
sha3t says...
loooooooooooooooooool
why dont people sse the life as we see aamir…the perfect perfectioniste…
good wrinting men
Rhea says...
U r so good!..I reached you blog while I was browsing through indiafm.
I had been so depressed the last couple of days, you made me laugh. I am trying to control my laughter (as I am in my office) but am not able to!!
Thanks for making me laugh today!
Gloria says...
Hi Nitesh, i got this link from Aamir Khan’s blog. Man ur so….good at writing.i was just admiring ur beautiful usage of words n how u wove it all around to come out with such imaginative creative work is really appreciable!!
As i love Aamirji so anything good written abt him is always welcomed.hey i suggest u can be a very big writer even for newspaper&mags as u give a very good movie reviews hmmm movies buff eh?! can write a book on AK & i will also have lots of info to chip in as i m His ardent fan since childhood..1988..QSQT..
By the way ur this particular blog was fun to enjoy but pls do mention at the beginning that its just in the name of good humour n not to hurt anyone’s sentiment ok.
Kp up the good work! ur magic wid words..
sitaji says...
GREAT!
Geetanjali says...
The Priyadarshan part was especially good
Thanks for making my Friday morning cheerful!
I received this script in my inbox as a forwarded mail…and instantly googled it, to pass on my appreciation for this very well written post!
Geetanjali says...
and to add some more..you come up with quite a creative comparison cum observation about the current crop of Bollywood wannabe directors
Nitesh says...
@Geetanjali
Glad I could make your Friday cheerful..
vishwas says...
i really enjoyed this post!!!!!!!!!!
i am big fan of aamir khan………..
btw i am happy that you haven’t included RGV
in this list because i think unlike these “C”
grade directors………RGV atleast trying something different
sometime he fails & make stupid movies like
AAG, NISHABD etc etc…….
but on other side he has given some of the best
movies to bollywood like RANGEELA, SATYA,
COMPANY, SARKAR…………
sakif says...
Awesome Nitesh… great nitesh….mind blowing…….i would like to upload this master piece in our blog..hope u dont mind…and i will be happy if u visit our blog http://www.readerslab.com different types of interesing and rare topics are there. bye the way i am from malaysia..but i m bangladeshi… studying at multimedia university…thx n take care…stay with happiness
Cyrus Umrigar says...
Boss, this is the first time I am writing to anyone…. your blog is absolutely awesome! Where the fookin’ hell did you learn to write like that? great job man. trust me…. the best un-review i have read in a decade!
Vizhegde says...
Great blog Nitesh ! Read all the posts. Nothing left for me to say anything. Hats off to you…
I’m great fan of Aamir Khan & have great respect for his professionalism as well. A couple of examples from TZP:
1. Darsheel’s name comes before Aamir’s.
2. He took permission from Bachchans to mention about Abhishek.(http://www.mumbaimirror.com/net/mmpaper.aspx?page=article§id=30&contentid=2007121820071218023321781b9281bf1)
This is the review by BBC about TZP:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/shropshire/films/bollywood/2007/12/taare_zameen_review.shtml
One paragraph from the review: “One minor point to note about the film is the fact that Nikumbh himself confesses of suffering from dyslexia, giving you the impression that only the ones who have been through this medical condition can sympathise with other sufferers.”
Aamir should have taken care… would have been spotless.
rama says...
simply super
Saif says...
Awesome Article. Your words reflect the thoughts by many of us new generation movie goers.
Shubhra says...
I thoroughly enjoyed TZP and completely love Aamir’s movies. But I really do think that denigrating a bunch of other directors for fun, without any thought is taking it to the other extreme.
Let’s take someone like Rakesh Roshan – the man has made wonderful movie like Krish and Koi Mil Gaya. Just because it is made with song and dance does not take away the courage of movies like that or their fun, and the joy they provide. I can understand pulling down a movie like Race which makes my head ache because is all style with no story but I simply cant understand blind criticism like this.
How can anyone forget that the same man who made Devdas also made a sensitive movie like Khamoshi – that movie that spoke about the burden of those who live with the physically impaired with such truth?
I could not help but rail on this although I know you are someone who is also appreciative of Indian cinema. I just want to remind you that there is space for all kinds of cinema not only one kind!
Nitesh says...
@Shubra
You’re right..
I have to admit that Koi Mil Gaya and Krrish were very bold films…
I’m not a big fan of SLB.. he comes across as someone too intent on proving his genius…!
And just cos I make fun of something, doesn’t mean I don’t like it. I’m a big fan of Indian cinema myself, which is largely masala films..!
Neeran says...
“Well Aamir Khan has proved that cinema is probably the best medium for giving a message”
After all the talk about the rat race and the need for us the let children do their own thing, the one thing that serves as redemption is actually winning at a competition. Well done Aamir for taking 2.5 hours to convey an extremely flawed message.
ananya says...
excellent dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no words to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
really really i love AAMIR…………
HE IS SOOOOOO GUD PERSON HAS A HUMAN BEING
Nitesh says...
@Neeran
That is very good observation Neeran. You know I had the same feeling. Hopefully not all people will be as insightful as you and will ignore this.
I actually had one more problem with TZP. I wish the kid was not dyslexic, just poor in studies. It would then have taken the cause of a lot more kids.
SYED says...
ACE KHAN HAS PROVED ONCE AGAIN HE IS THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS TODAY KEEP IT UP AK.
pradip bose says...
me pradip i am vary good fan of aamir khan but what he comment previous day its sock for me .i want to tell him pls pls pls dont do that again.taht not only my its reflect everybody.
Shumu says...
Hey nitesh are you lost? What happened to u man? You wrote so many nice things about TZP, like- if aamir didn’t make TZP. How come u r having problem with it after half an year, after praising everything about the movie. R u changed. People r still praising u for this. Even the film fare awards had the reflection of your writing. Have u seen the award show. Once some one write something about aamirigiri and u appreciated that u also follow Aamirigiri. Why did u wrote “I wish the kid was not dyslexic, just poor in studies. It would then have taken the cause of a lot more kids.” Does it mean you didn’t understand the theme? This story moved millions of people who didn’t know about dyslexic , the message of this movie changed them.
I want to tell Vizhegde yes the movie is spotles. The spot is only in your mind. In the movie didn’t u notice in the song “Taare Zameen Paar” he showed the problem of all children of all class. Child who labor doesn’t go to school and those childern who are abnormal mentally and physically too. He didn’t refer “TAARE ZAMEEN PAAR” to the character isaan only who has dyslexia. I think it is very clear that it is meant to all children. To take care to look after them not to push things on them. It also says every child is special.
Didn’t u see that the entrance of nikumb sir. If the student didn’t had dyslexia, if the student had some other problem Mr. Nikumb sir would’ve done the same for that kid because he is a soft hearted caring person. Didn’t u notice nikumb sir teaching in school with unfortunate kids. He joined in isan’s school as a temporary teacher. he was not looking for dyslexic kid to fix him. And why u blame Aamir all the time. When he acts u blame him when he direct you blame him. Don’t u think the writer has some thing to do with this. Story writer writes the story Aamir’s job was to portrait the story and he has done that amazingly. I don’t know what happened to u people you praise Aamir with saying a But… but….. there’s no but. I find the movie is great. There is very few good movie in the world like TZP and u should be proud of the movie as an indian.
Nitesh says...
@Shumu
Dude.. I’m just nitpicking.. the film is indeed close to perfection.
hotmail_nine@y.co.in says...
HI
EXCELENT MOVIE.(T.Z.P)
I LIKE THIS TYPE MOVIES
I WULD LIKE ONCE AGAIN A MOVIE WITH
SALMAAN KHAN & AISHWARYA ?
AMIR KHAN ONLY CAN DO THIS.
THANK U
EVERYBODY
(007)
THIS IS MY REQUIST…………………………007
Ahmad Khan says...
well, someone has forgot to mention about the most overrated director of all times! yes, i am talking about Yash Chopra jee (papa jee of todays time). Just have a look what would the film have been like if it was made by gr8 yash chopra jee:
obvious starcast would be:
1. Offcourse, Shahrukh khan as teacher’s role (since he simply cant think casting of anyone else, like in 70/80s he could have never thought of except amitab bachan).
2. Child’s mother role would have played by rani Mukherjee.
3. And teacher’s friend role (remember! aamirkhan’s colleage in tupil school in original) would have played by none other than Preity Zinta (Since chopra can think only about making traingular love story….u know what i mean…..and how the story would be like)
4. Since It would be a Traingular Love story, teacher would be stuck between child’s mom and his colleague.
5. The whole movie would be shot in the village of punjab except the songs which would be shot offcourse in Switzerland. Since chopras cant get visa of some other place.
6. Since the child had a dyslexia prob in the original, here in this movie, he would have a prob of loveria…….means everytime he will be thinking in the background that…….Koi Hai, Ju Mere Liye Bana Ya Gaya Hai…..Koi Hai Ju Mera Wahan Intezar kar rahi he……Koi Hai Ju Mere Sapno Me Roz Aati Hai…..Blah Blah
7. Every character (including parents and child, and teachers) would play punjabi character.
8. Each time Shahrukh khan, the teacher would encourage child by saying that…….CHAK DE PATTE!!!!!!!!
9. Everytime when there would be any emotional scene, a soft voice of Lata Mangeshkar will play in the bachground, like…….aaaaaaaaaaaaaa…….aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
10. Since there is not much difference between johar and chopra movies, in the climax, like johar movie, any of the heroine would be running to shahrukh khan, instead of child running to teacher. And while they would be hugging, there wud be sudden raining. And in the background, everyone would have umbrella except the couples.
Enjoy!
Regards