26sep08interview, people, politics
Interview with Raj Thackeray
Welcome once again to the heartATTACK 99 SHOW – the show where you’ll know what some of the famous people really are.
Using our patented solution formula 99 which, when touched, leads to some chemical stuff inside one’s body, we bring out the real side of people!
Last time our guest was Ms Mamta Banerjee. This week, we have another important political figure – Mr Raj Thackeray. This time, we left a copy of “Marathi for Dummies” book dipped in formula 99 at our set entrance. As we expected, he picked it up and started reading immediately. And as expected, the potion started working!
| Nitesh | Welcome to our studio Rajji. You ready for some questions? |
| Raj | Ooohhh. You want to play. Come on! |
| Nitesh | So, describe Raj Thackeray in one sentence. |
| Raj | See, I’m a man of simple tastes. I like dynamite…and gunpowder…and gasoline! Do you know what all of these things have in common? They’re cheap! |
| Nitesh | Erm, right.. wow, seems like the potion is working too well. Well Rajji the HC just labeled you as a terrorist – how do you feel about that? |
| Raj | I’m not. No, I’m not. |
| Nitesh | How can you say that? You send your people to retailers and threaten to beat them up if they don’t change their signboards to Marathi. You guys beat up taxi drivers, make inflammatory statements, create unrest. These are not the signs of a civilized man. These are signs of a monster! |
| Raj | You’ll see, I’ll show you, that when the chips are down, these uh… civilized people, they’ll eat each other. You see, I’m not a monster. I’m just ahead of the curve. |
| Nitesh | I won’t say that. You’re not ahead of the curve. You think you are above law and can use violence to ensure the same. |
| Raj | You have all these rules and you think they’ll save you. The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules! |
| Nitesh | Wow! YOU are saying that. You are a politician sir. You should be the shield that protects the law, not the knife that scars it! |
| Raj | So you wanna know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can’t savor all the… little… emotions. In… you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. |
| Nitesh | That was not my question. I don’t care which weapon you use. I mean to say what you are doing is equivalent to terrorism. You impose your antiquated ideologies on people by force just like terrorists do. |
| Raj | You just couldn’t let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible aren’t you? |
| Nitesh | You are not answering my question Rajji. Tell me, why are you doing this? Why do you insist people in Mumbai speak in Marathi? Why should filmstars not show any kind of allegiance to their home states? Why should the non-Marathis leave Maharashtra? The constitution has given us the right to live where ever we want and speak the language we want. You are simply using regional attachments to divide people. That’s your masterplan, isn’t it? |
| Raj | Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just do things. |
| Nitesh | Stop kidding me Rajji. You have been blowing the horns for using only Marathi in Mumbai to gain political foothold, like Karunanidhi did in Tamil Nadu by banning Hindi altogether. |
| Raj | Ah ta ta ta, let’s not *blow* things out of proportion. |
| Nitesh | I’m not. It’s politicians like you that are dividing the country. You mobilize the jobless, unemployed youth and make use of its lack of self-esteem to carry out seemingly ego-boosting tasks like beating people up, destroying public property, burning effigies, all under the pretext of saving the culture! |
| Raj | Y’see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little…push. |
| Nitesh | I wish I could kill you. Is that what you believe in? Really? |
| Raj | I believe whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you… stranger. |
| Nitesh | What the f*** are you talking Rajji. Let’s get serious! |
| Raj | WHY SO SERIOUS? |
Just as he said this, Rajji took out his purse (I knew he was gay) and smeared his face with white powder. He then took out his lipstick and in an almost devilish (what else do you expect) way, wore the bright red lipstick all around his lips. Before I could understand what was happening, he took out his Kaajal and made panda eyes with it. Epiphany!!!!! OMG OMG!!! RAJ Thackeray IS THE JOKER