heartattack

A couple of months ago, I saw this film Being John Malkovich. The film is the pinnacle of fiction. It is about a guy who finds a tunnel to the conscience of a major filmstar – John Malkovich. You crawl through the tunnel and you end up inside Malkovich’s head for like 15 minutes. Quite imaginative.

After the film, I asked myself the obvious question – if I could be someone else for 15 minutes, who would it be? Among the many people that I shortlisted, one of them being Brad Pitt, especially when he’s home at night, I had in the list SACHIN TENDULKAR. 

Why Sachin Tendulkar? For his talent? Popularity? Money? Success? Nope! I want to be Sachin Tendulkar because I want to know what it feels like to be a superhero.

Why do I think Sachin Tendulkar is a superhero? Surely not because of his 12,000 test runs, a record he made just yesterday, or his 39 test centuries. I’m sure Ricky Ponting will eclipse both records some day. Superheroes cannot be judged by statistics. No one knows how many baddies Superman killed. But Superman is a superhero because we know that he’ll come to the rescue when the baddies arrive. It is for the same reason that Sachin Tendulkar is a superhero.

Every time he goes on to bat, the whole of India, if not the whole world that watches cricket, cheers, as if a gladiator has walked into an arena full of hungry tigers. The pious ones pray to God. The more pious ones put vermillion on the television screen (not kidding). The hysterical ones watch every ball he faces from behind a pillow bunker as if their eyes shot rays of misfortune that’ll go through the TV screen and bowl Sachin out. No matter what the opposition does, as long as Sachin is out there, there’s hope India can still win, even if it is mathematically impossible. Sachin is a superhero – he can even bend the rules of mathematics and take India to victory. Heck, Sachin can bend light.

The last bit my friends is what makes Sachin Tendulkar a superhero – not his money, records, or popularity – it’s the hopes that he carries – the hopes of 20% of the world’s population. My guess is all other superheroes combined don’t have the burden of so many hopes, even if I account for the population of planet Krypton.

I wonder how this man can stand straight with so much on his shoulders. I wonder how he can afford to whack a 150 kmph Shoiab Akhtar ball in the air, well knowing that if he got out, he’ll break more hearts than Aishwarya Rai did when she married that moron. Probably that makes him a superhero – faith in his powers. Spiderman doesn’t fear that his web would snap – he just keeps somersaulting. Batman doesn’t fear that his Batmobile is gonna crash while chasing baddies at 200 miles an hour. They both have faith in their abilities, much like Sachin has. 

It is easy to criticize Sachin Tendulkar by citing his less than heroic 4th innings average, or his dismal average against big oppositions when chasing big scores – often the best indicators of a player’s dependability. It is also easy to quote the performance of Ponting, Hayden, Hussey, Sangakkara, or Pietersen, and show how they are better. But it simply does not matter. This is not about proving that he is the best. He may or may not be. Remember Neo? The superhero from The Matrix? He was a superhero even before he killed a single agent. Why? Because people believed that he was their savior. With Sachin, it’s the same. He may not have rescued India as often as a player of his talent should have, but people BELIEVE that he is the savior, the superhero. It’s a question of perception. Sachin Tendulkar is a figure above logic.

So back to where I started – I really want to know what it feels like to be Sachin Tendulkar – walking into a stadium with chants of “Sachin, Sachin.” What it feels like to hit a six or score a century in front of such a crowd. Also, I want to know how it feels like getting out cheaply in that stadium? Does it feel worse than watching Serena Williams in skimpy outfits? Worse than spending 5 minutes with an iPhone fanboy? Worse than Mayawati’s face?

All I want is my tunnel. Sachin, I’m sure, can make this tunnel too.

2008 has been a fantastic year for sports

• An Olympics that gave us the feats of Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt
• A Wimbledon that gave us arguably the best tennis game ever followed by a US open where a fallen hero silenced his doubters
• A nailbiting finish to the English Premier League and the Champion’s league
• The inaugural Indian Premier League that has changed the face of world cricket
• A Superbowl that gave us one of the most significant upsets in American Football history

And well, adding another feather to the cap of 2008 is the Singapore Grand Prix – the first after-dark race in the history of Formula 1. If any country could pull such a feat off, it had to be Singapore – a country that is synonymous to efficiency.

Singapore is the country version of Iridium when it comes to density. Carving out a race track from the city center in such a country is harder than getting Apple to approve you iPhone application. But well they did it, and in style. In fact, the circuit had a video-game..ish feel to it. 

The cars looked great under the lights. I wish the cheerleaders were as good..!!

The circuit itself was enough overdose of awesomeness, but the awesomeness did not stop there. The race itself bordered on the “Britney Spears” mark on my awesomeness scale.

First, Felipe Massa, starting on pole, opined that he’ll probably need more fuel than this car could contain – so he decided to take the fuel hose with the car. While that would have certainly made Doc Oc happy, the half-dragon-monster looking car did not go well with the high command and the already screwed driver was further penalized.

Secondly, Force India’s Adrian Sutil, admitting to self that he cannot get Force India even 1 point this season (how lousy can you get.. I think if I sent a team of trishaws to F1 I would have won at least 1 point this season), decided to aim for Felipe Massa instead of the checkered flag. Unfortunately for him, Massa was faster than the Titanic and avoided the collision. Sutil, the iceberg, did not. Wham!!

At the end of the day, Fernando Alonso triumphed. That guy is so talented that if he drove for my trishaw team, we might even win the F1. Here, he was helped not only by his unmatched talent and the “ever-so-reliable” French engineering (:P), but also by Mercedes. Yes, the safety cars were all Mercs. Lewis Hamilton will not be a happy man.

‘Twas great to see him on the podium receiving that winner’s trophy that, though looking like a structure made out of defunct xylophones, was indeed pretty. Again, Singapore perfectionism at work!!

I wonder, however, how much fine the Singapore government would have imposed on the winning drivers for spilling champagne on the streets (and on Ruben Barrichello, who accidently threw his gloves in the Singapore river while attempting a rockstar maneuver of throwing stuff at fans). My guess – $200 each, at least.. oh wait, 200 is for spitting.. maybe 300!